Hey people, today is Saturday so... it's lore day! As always, these ".5" blogs are an extra, meant to be read by those interested in the world's backstory. Today I'll tell you something about the Imps, which are inspired by... Italy! Their culture revolves around the most stereotipical trope of my contry, which is, as you probably already guessed, food! However, their origin story is inspired by the "barbarian invasions", infact they are not a native race to the now called "Impalian Peninsula". Instead, they conquered it thanks to a big crisis that happened in the Holy Human Empire, but that is a story for another time. Let's get into the Imp's lore.

Map: The Impirium

Who Are The Imps?

Little is known about the Imps before their sudden and somewhat clumsy invasion of Silliseria. What is certain is that, being creatures of demonic origin, they were created by the Archdemon Scylla, presumably on a day when its concentration was far from optimal, on the contrary it was awful. According to some dark theologians (who lurk in the most eastern realm of the world), the Imp were accidentally created while Scylla was trying to forge the Devils. Basically, they're a copy gone wrong, with many unforeseeable consequences. They were small, stubborn and stupid, unlike their better counterparts. For this very reason, they were deemed as unreliable.

The Perfect Wasted Opportunity

However, its confirmed that during the famous rebellion orchestrated by the Orcs against the Holy Human Empire, Scylla finally saw the perfect opportunity to return to the scene after millennia of inactivity, so what did he do? He sent a vanguard composed solely of Imps. Their loss would have been neglectable, so the Archdemon sent them first. A move that, in hindsight, Scylla probably would have called bold, or more accurately: a hellish interplanar own goal (soccer is the most practiced sport amongst demons). The Imps, who were theoretically meant to be threatening demons ready to wreak havoc, abandoned their demonic nature within weeks of landing on the Humtalian Peninsula, as it was called at the time.

What happened?

The answer is simple and tragic: they discovered the local humtalian food. Yes, these beings, supposedly emotionless, fell in love at first bite. Something in the sauces, fried foods, and overcooked pasta awakened a soul, one they supposedly didnt have, and sparked the first documented mass epiphany in history. From that moment on, they called themselves Almostdemons, meaning demons who love risottos and cry watching a well-cooked carbonara.

The Food Culture

Having found their soul, and their stomachs, they only needed one thing: a homeland worthy of such appetite. And so, they continued their invasion of Humtalia, but with a unique detail: every conquered city was renamed after the best dish they found there. This explains the case of the ancient city of Rumia, birthplace of the Holy Human Empire, renamed Carbotriciana, to satisfy half the army who preferred Carbotara (a mispronounced carbonara), and the other half in love with Utriciana (a confused version of amatriciana). The supreme commander, Violino I, future Augustimp, diplomatically resolved the conflict by choosing the worst possible phonetic compromise.

A Culinary Eresy

This is the reason why Carbotriciana became the capital. But after Violino Is death and his son Dentone Is rise, the capital was moved to the tiny, unknown town of Impola. Why? Well, Dentone tried to revise the Carbotara... with cream and broken pasta! A culinary disaster that sparked a legendary revolt: The Recipe Rebellion! Dentone, offended by such poor taste (which, of course, wasn't his own), abandoned the city, calling his former subjects vulgar palates, and moved the capital to Impola, which then grew until it became the current heart of the Impirium. Ironically, Violino I is today remembered as the Dump, both for his weight and the legend that he ate every dish that was served to him, except, of course, the Carbotara. Not even his "revised" recipe was allowed! However, out of respect for the imperial family, no one has ever dared to move the capital back to Carbotriciana.

The Lost Recipes and The GGC

Over time, the Imps began to forget the original human recipes. Confused ingredients, exaggerated doses, sauces with strange things inside them. Today, the situation is so chaotic that every attempt to recreate a traditional dish ends in culinary brawls worthy of a show.
And its here that the story of the Muscolimp begins: Imps who have eaten so much they have developed some very big muscles! Yes, because one day, during a civil war to decide the greatest dish of the Impirium, the Augustimp Violino VI proposed a brilliant solution: Lets make them eat. The biggest eater wins, and his region is awarded for the best cuisine. Since then, every year, the epic "Gastronomic Gladiatorial Contest", GGC in short, takes place in the Mangiosseum, a massive arena where the Muscolimp battle it out with lasagna, gnocchi, roasts, and stews, until the last one collapses from satiety (some never wake up again, but they die with honor and a full belly). The winner earns eternal glory, a fork-shaped medal, and, most importantly, tax breaks for their region of origin (and the award for best cuisine of the year). Because nothing unites like a good meal, and nothing divides more than cream in a carbotara dish.

The Forks of War

As you can see, the culinary tradition if the Imps is very present even in their war efforts. They often travel as mercenaries in foreign lands, to seek fortune in order to establish, one day, a restaurant of their own. These mercenary companies are called "Forks of War", because of their Impalian traditional weapons that are shaped like forks (and sometimes segmented knifes).
That was all for today, I hope you enjoyed the read. As always, I'm waiting for you next week! Have a great weekend, and eat nice dishes (preferably not a carbonara with cream). -Giuseppe

[ 2025-05-31 15:09:12 CET ] [ Original post ]