Patch Notes 2024-09-06, ~18:00 Pacific Time: The Basting Patch

WELCOME: SWAP/MEAT EMPLOYEE ORIENTATION

Welcome to your first day at Rangus Meats, humanoid Meat Scientist! I'm Rodd, VP of Humanoid Resources and Diuretics Research here at Rangus. This orientation is designed to help you embark on your SWAP/MEAT career, and to provide an overview of what to expect in the field.

Before I begin, let me say this: This orientation is for humanoids who are new to the Rangus Meats corporation and are a part of the SWAP/MEAT division. If you are attending this orientation in the hopes of becoming or learning how to impersonate a humanoid, you have made a mistake. This orientation is not for you.

With that out of the way, let's begin!

EVERY PLANET IS A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY TO FEED THE GALAXY

In the times before galactic fast food hegemony, humanoids would describe your SWAP/MEAT experience as a "third-person shooter with roguelite progression." Primitive, amiright?! 

But history can still teach us a lot, even if it's technically illegal. Your goal in SWAP/MEAT is to travel around the galaxy, defeating creatures large and small to harvest their DNA (and meat) to help your fellow Meat Scientists at Rangus develop a sustainable meat product everyone can enjoy!

Use your Rangus-approved Galactic Map to choose a planet to drop into. Once you're in, our state of the art Hivemind Meat Sensor will provide missions for you to complete within a deadline. Fight your way through the local fauna, fulfill your missions, and extract the planet's meat core to finish your run. 

Sounds simple, but danger is around every corner in SWAP/MEAT, valued humanoid employee! Any time you're not sure, you can always make a run for the extractor to escape with what you've harvested so far. Remember: a productive employee is a living employee!

IN SWAP/MEAT, YOU SWAP MEAT

There are some dangerous worlds out there, humanoid employees. Flying from planet to planet to harvest new meats to feed the universe at any one of Rangus Meat's billion locations requires grit, determination, and the ability to actively swap your body parts to improve yourself each time you visit a planet. That cute butterfly-looking thing flying at you? Son of a gun is packing a rocket launcher. Take him out before he uses it on you. Then, swap your meat with his to unleash rockets of your own. 

THERE'S NO I IN MEAT… BUT THERE IS A ME

You can go on planetary runs with friends, single-serving co-workers, or - if you're looking for a unique career challenge - by yourself. SWAP/MEAT's tuned for co-op shootin' and lootin', but we at Rangus Meats will never stop an intrepid employee from entering the field, even if they're destined to die alone and friendless!

EVERY RUN ADVANCES YOUR CAREER

Every time you make it back to a Rangus spaceship with your body intact, you move yourself ever closer to Rangus Meats Upper Management. Corporate Leadership was inspired by early 21st century simulations like Hades and Returnal to ensure that while the worlds around you change, you yourself can consistently progress over time. Short- AND long-term goals? That's Rangus(™)!

RANGUS MEATS THANKS YOU

Once again, humanoid employee, welcome to Rangus Meats and the SWAP/MEAT division! We're sure your career will be a productive one. To meet more of your co-workers, join the Rangus Meats Microsoft Teams channel, add SWAP/MEAT to your Wishlist (MANDATORY!), and visit our corporate social media presences for additional memoranda and guidance.