PRODUCT DESCRIPTION:

Ten years pass, and its desires are forgotten. They seep into crevices in the earth,  where they accumulate and admix, taking on ambiguous new shapes. From these caverns of human experience, where forgotten desires linger, an echo is heard in the world of the living:

Crypt Underworld: The Final Videogame™!

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FOREWARD

by

Martin Amis

Crash! Bang! Wallop! These are the sounds I make every day. Yet they’re also, emotions. And these are just some of the many emotions that have been secreted over centuries in the far-reaching catacombs sprawled underneath the city - the very same catacombs that once acted as home to the bandit, Pompelmo, in his reign of terror on the city above. Please grab a seat so that I can tell you about it.

In the year 17XX, still in the living memory of certain persons, a certain bird once flew to a certain house and made a noise some described as “beguiling”. This was the beginning of what we now know as modernity and pretty soon we had all set about being modern in the new and stylish way. I would say I was a “computer programmer” named “Jim” who was working on “soft ware” to “eliminate the ability to make a living”. Oh, how we laughed. But who was laughing when I went home to find my wife in the arms of another man? That’s right – Pompelmo was laughing. Pompelmo, whose arms they were!

The next few centuries were not so hot. But the practice of “computer game design” – building gadgets to slowly and ingeniously kill whoever was operating them, through a delicate arrangement of gears and wires – never died out absolutely. In walks outside the city you might see a picturesque peasant sullenly whittling something in a hut or attempting to flagellate herelf with a tree branch that had the words FINAL FANTASY 8 carved on it in uneven letters. Yet the state of the art form as a hole remained static. Time passed. Various murders, massacres etc. Piles of bodies in the woods. Trip hop was invented and then forgotten, multiple times. They were long centuries.

Finally as every schoolchild knows the invention of CRYPT WORLDS, by the “laughing cowboy of games” known by her saddle stitching as Cicada Marionette, lit up the night skies of our lives like a bomb or firework or something edit this later. At long last the questions which had been bugging us for the last while – “What is ‘meaning’? Where did I put it? It was right here, I swear” - were definitively answered, in terms so celebrated it would be redundant to list them again here. Noble families went on outings to the pilgrime village or the corpse tunnels and marvelled at the feeling that here at last was an experience that had no end. Yet, what was that face we could dimly make out, leering at us from the depths of the digital caverns? Could it be… the familiar face of Pompelmo? Pompelmo, who was never caught by the authorities, and whose valuable emeralds – mark this – never recovered…?

Dear reader, both you and I are dead. As ghosts we can talk only about what was and what will be, and not what is, as per non-disclosure regulations. Yet there are rumours, glimpses. They say that in the ghost world there are videogames also – that the scrap, junk, slime, debris of waking life, plunged into the afterworld, retains some sense of the shape it once had. Goes rolling together in the dark and forms new shapes, buildings, rooms. Piling up in memory into the image of that memory, bearing traces of what once was but turned inwards, inside out. A rambling catacombs… just like the catacombs that once… ah!! I can say no more, for I have just been stabbed, by Pompelmo. Yet we are both ghosts now so the gesture is moot and my response just that of politeness. We each have our own little hobby horse it seems.

Traveller, beware my consumer survey wisdom. In her dark cavern beyond the centuries Cicada Marionette and Zoe Spinnylights create the snare which entangles mankind. In this vast heaped assemblage of rooms, doors, impossible areas, trampolines, frogs, piss physickes, capsule toys, windows to other people’s rooms, glimpsed figures, office workin’, worship of the dread god Dendygar, memories and dreams etc, could it be that we finally have a version of that "ultimate videogame" the thought of which man has used to console himself thru all the miserable centuries...? Hm! Who knows! I’ll have to think about it. Thanks for reading my report. Excelsior!

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CONTROLS

Left Click - Interact / Select

Right Click - Piss

Tab - Open Inventory

Space - Jump

Shift - Run

Esc - Open Exit Menu (only works if not in other menus)

0 - Take a screenshot (saved under 'Crypt Underworld_Data' in the game's folder)

GAME AUTOSAVES ALWAYS

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CREDITS

GAME - ME!!!

COOL MUSIC AND SFX by: ESPer99

Original / Distorted Crypt Worlds SFX + Ominous Bell Sound by: Liz Ryerson

Cut-Up Dialogue uses SCISSORS by Zoe Spinnylights who also contributed to ideas in the game!

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OFFICIAL 1920x1080 Crypt Wallpapers featuring very cute art by Mariken!

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BUY DENDYGAR MERCH HERE