I am delighted to announce that Size Five's newest game 'Lair of the Clockwork God' is OUT NOW. A fast-paced Point-and-Click adventure AND an indie platfomer in one! Join adventurer Ben and wannabe indie darling Dan in a race against time to stop all the Apocalypses. LAIR OF THE CLOCKWORK GOD sees you switching between both characters and using their unique abilities together in a race-against-time effort to stop all the Apocalypses happening simultaneously, by teaching an old computer about feelings. Get it here!

HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to address much of the more negative feedback, and hopefully this build addresses a lot of issues, as well as fixing bugs. Kickmen is intended to be a difficult game, simply because winning by a large amount at Sport gets very boring very quickly, but I've done what I can to address the speed of that change and how some of the AI react in certain situations. If it's still too tough, remember there's a Difficulty Slider when you set up a team! If you've enjoyed Kickmen PLEASE help make it a success by spreading the word. There's loads you can do, buy a copy for a friend, do a Let's Play or Twitch Stream, recommend it on Twitter, or even just reviewing it here on Steam. It all really REALLY helps. I'm hoping this is the last big update, but as ever if there's anything else that needs addressing your best bet is to email me dan@sizefivegames.com Thanks for playing :) ADDED:CONTROLLER SUPPORT FOR MENUS you wanted it, so here it is. Adding this was VERY boring so I hired someone else in to do it for me which cost me REAL MONEY so please buy another copy of the game for a friend as a thank-you. TWEAKED:Loads of minor stats and variables, and the core difficulty curve. TWEAKED:Goldkeepers less likely to be inept if the ball is basically just sitting there not moving. TWEAKED:Reduced the likelihoold the AI will do an Own Goal. Don't blame me when you all suddenly realise how handy that was. TWEAKED:Reduced the amount of fast passing low-level teams can do. FIXED:An issue where Goldkeepers were inept at high levels on QuickPlay FIXED:Charging a kick as you drift over the goal line should no longer cause a calamity. FIXED:An issue where game state change while charging a kick could cause a calamity. FIXED:Stopped opposition strikers from hanging out in front of your goal and scoring at will because the AI isn’t smart enough to get in the way MUCH earlier in the game. This behaviour now happens towards the start of the game instead of kicking in approximately 40% of the way through FIXED:A typo on the Credits screen FIXED:An issue where the ball could drift during 2nd Half Kick Off. FIXED:An issue on some setups where the screen would fade to black after the Father Reveal Scene and not go anywhere. FIXED:"Romancing The Stone" achievement should unlock, no matter WHAT sort of framerate you're seeing. ADDRESSED: Made some changes to hopefully improve Linux stability ADDRESSED: Made some changes to remove an unusual Mac crash on some setups, sometimes. NOT FIXED:Game is still basically football. Thanks again for your support!

HELLO there's patch notes for v1.050 below. It's been a long time coming (like, a week?) because adding in the controller support for menus took a while because it was boring. I've taken the time to address much of the more negative feedback, and hopefully this build addresses a lot of issues, as well as fixing bugs. Kickmen is intended to be a difficult game, simply because winning by a large amount at Sport gets very boring very quickly, but I've done what I can to address the speed of that change and how some of the AI react in certain situations. If it's still too tough, remember there's a Difficulty Slider when you set up a team! If you've enjoyed Kickmen PLEASE help make it a success by spreading the word. There's loads you can do, buy a copy for a friend, do a Let's Play or Twitch Stream, recommend it on Twitter, or even just reviewing it here on Steam. It all really REALLY helps. I'm hoping this is the last big update, but as ever if there's anything else that needs addressing your best bet is to email me dan@sizefivegames.com Thanks for playing :) ADDED:CONTROLLER SUPPORT FOR MENUS you wanted it, so here it is. Adding this was VERY boring so I hired someone else in to do it for me which cost me REAL MONEY so please buy another copy of the game for a friend as a thank-you. TWEAKED:Loads of minor stats and variables, and the core difficulty curve. TWEAKED:Goldkeepers less likely to be inept if the ball is basically just sitting there not moving. TWEAKED:Reduced the likelihoold the AI will do an Own Goal. Don't blame me when you all suddenly realise how handy that was. TWEAKED:Reduced the amount of fast passing low-level teams can do. FIXED:An issue where Goldkeepers were inept at high levels on QuickPlay FIXED:Charging a kick as you drift over the goal line should no longer cause a calamity. FIXED:An issue where game state change while charging a kick could cause a calamity. FIXED:Stopped opposition strikers from hanging out in front of your goal and scoring at will because the AI isnt smart enough to get in the way MUCH earlier in the game. This behaviour now happens towards the start of the game instead of kicking in approximately 40% of the way through FIXED:A typo on the Credits screen FIXED:An issue where the ball could drift during 2nd Half Kick Off. FIXED:An issue on some setups where the screen would fade to black after the Father Reveal Scene and not go anywhere. FIXED:"Romancing The Stone" achievement should unlock, no matter WHAT sort of framerate you're seeing. ADDRESSED: Made some changes to hopefully improve Linux stability ADDRESSED: Made some changes to remove an unusual Mac crash on some setups, sometimes. NOT FIXED:Game is still basically football. Thanks again for your support!

v1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Training caused a mishap FIXED: a misspelling of the word FOOTBALL which I mean how did I even FIXED: an issue where Goldkeepers could get sent off for being offside which, I mean, I don't know the rules but that doesn't "feel" like it's right? FIXED: an issue with Pause Screen buttons interferring with Tutorial pop-up boxes. ADDED: an extra double-triple failsafe for the ball getting stuck out of bounds because, despite the fact the code is rock solid on that, somehow some of you have still somehow managed it ADDED: Custom Controller map for Xbox360 pad users, in the hopes of solving a connection issue ADDED: Right Stick customisation to the Options->Input screen, in the hopes of solving some PS3 controller sensitivity issues FIXED?: Added custom controls for those of you using a PS3/ PS4 controller, in the hopes it fixes the Right Stick lack of sensitivity issue FIXED?: Occasional Mac crash bug caused by OSX failing to load a Library because [TODO: make up some clever tech terminology here? I honestly have no idea]

v1.047 is just some boring fixes to minor issues, and some attempts to make older controllers work more reliably. FIXED: an issue where doing a big kick at the instant a pop-up popped up in the Training caused a mishap FIXED: a misspelling of the word FOOTBALL which I mean how did I even FIXED: an issue where Goldkeepers could get sent off for being offside which, I mean, I don't know the rules but that doesn't "feel" like it's right? FIXED: an issue with Pause Screen buttons interferring with Tutorial pop-up boxes. ADDED: an extra double-triple failsafe for the ball getting stuck out of bounds because, despite the fact the code is rock solid on that, somehow some of you have still somehow managed it ADDED: Custom Controller map for Xbox360 pad users, in the hopes of solving a connection issue ADDED: Right Stick customisation to the Options->Input screen, in the hopes of solving some PS3 controller sensitivity issues FIXED?: Added custom controls for those of you using a PS3/ PS4 controller, in the hopes it fixes the Right Stick lack of sensitivity issue FIXED?: Occasional Mac crash bug caused by OSX failing to load a Library because [TODO: make up some clever tech terminology here? I honestly have no idea]

Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with this. Please keep recommending it, keep streaming it, keep talking about it. Your engagement is like gold to me, so please keep it up. As always, if there's anything awry you've spotted, the best way to let me know is dan@sizefivegames.com, because it's easy to miss stuff when it's just tweeted or left as a comment somewhere! [if this patch breaks something I'm not aware of, you can opt into the Beta build which is now 1.044 which was the last version. Right click the game in your Library-> Properties->Betas passcode is thekickmenbeta.] FIXED: some sutpid typos that were pointed out to me by someone for who(m?) English is their SECOND LANGUAGE and I found that quite embarrassing FIXED: an issue where if you were charging a tackle as a whistle blew, it could get locked in charge state FIXED: Promotion/ Demotion text no longer displays if you draw a match after being promoted/ demoted FIXED: prevented game from losing focus when using mouse controls FIXED: an issue that was making Goldkeepers in QuickPlay slightly more inept than they should be FIXED?: Made a 2nd attempt at stopping some gfx cards playing menus at like 40,000fps and having a bit of a meltdown. I can't replicate this issue here, so let me know if it's still busted? FIXED?: 4:3 safety now safer than ever. Let me know if anything else is still hanging over the edge of the screen?

Hello! Me again, sorry. Just popping v1.046 live for you, with some fixes and some fixes? Thanks again for all your support so far, I'm utterly delighted to see so many people having so much fun with this. Please keep recommending it, keep streaming it, keep talking about it. Your engagement is like gold to me, so please keep it up. As always, if there's anything awry you've spotted, the best way to let me know is dan@sizefivegames.com, because it's easy to miss stuff when it's just tweeted or left as a comment somewhere! [if this patch breaks something I'm not aware of, you can opt into the Beta build which is now 1.044 which was the last version. Right click the game in your Library-> Properties->Betas passcode is thekickmenbeta.] FIXED: some sutpid typos that were pointed out to me by someone for who(m?) English is their SECOND LANGUAGE and I found that quite embarrassing FIXED: an issue where if you were charging a tackle as a whistle blew, it could get locked in charge state FIXED: Promotion/ Demotion text no longer displays if you draw a match after being promoted/ demoted FIXED: prevented game from losing focus when using mouse controls FIXED: an issue that was making Goldkeepers in QuickPlay slightly more inept than they should be FIXED?: Made a 2nd attempt at stopping some gfx cards playing menus at like 40,000fps and having a bit of a meltdown. I can't replicate this issue here, so let me know if it's still busted? FIXED?: 4:3 safety now safer than ever. Let me know if anything else is still hanging over the edge of the screen?

Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks so much to all of you who have left a review - we're currently at Very Positive which is just amazingly heartening to see, so if you've taken the time to do that, please know it has made me extremely happy. Obviously as soon as the game got into more hands than I could possibly have Beta Tested it on, a few issues cropped up. These have all now been patched, bar one (see below). You can see the version number of your build down the bottom right of the Title Screen. I will continue to address issues as soon as they come in. My Twitter's a bit full-on at the moment, so please email dan@sizefivegames.com if you come across a problem so it doesn't get lost. You're now at v1.044 FIXED: Occasional bug where an enemy player could stand around waiting to take a penalty until the heat death of the Universe. FIXED:Slide tackling the enemy in the Tutorial causing a great big whoopsie and making everything go awry FIXED: Input setup screen showing DashRight twice, and DashLeft never. Quite how I missed that is beyond me FIXED: A couple of rogue sound effects rudely not obeying the sound volume slider FIXED: Red Card achievement not popping up it you walloped a fella three times FIXED:: the tutorial suggesting you press the Kick button to do a Tackle FIXED:an issue where, with *dogged* determination you could set your 442 to have players start on the wrong side of the pitch, which is CLEARLY cheating and if you did this you should feel a deep shame FIXED: misspelled "World Cup" in the Achievements. I mean honestly REFUSED TO FIX: the spelling mistak on the 1st splash screen because come on that's obviously a joke KNOWN, BUT HELP? someone mentioned that hitting a Goldkeeper made the game fail to restart after the penalty. I've been completely unable to recreate this, and I can't find the tweet because it was 1st thing this morning and it's scrolled down the list into oblivion. So if this was you, or if you see this happen, please email me dan@sizefivegames.com with exactly what happened so I can fix it? Thank you!

Hello! I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who's bought a copy of Behold the Kickmen so far, I hope you're all enjoying it as much as is possible given that it's a football game. Also, thanks so much to all of you who have left a review - we're currently at Very Positive which is just amazingly heartening to see, so if you've taken the time to do that, please know it has made me extremely happy. Obviously as soon as the game got into more hands than I could possibly have Beta Tested it on, a few issues cropped up. These have all now been patched, bar one (see below). You can see the version number of your build down the bottom right of the Title Screen. I will continue to address issues as soon as they come in. My Twitter's a bit full-on at the moment, so please email dan@sizefivegames.com if you come across a problem so it doesn't get lost. You're now at v1.044 FIXED: Occasional bug where an enemy player could stand around waiting to take a penalty until the heat death of the Universe. FIXED:Slide tackling the enemy in the Tutorial causing a great big whoopsie and making everything go awry FIXED: Input setup screen showing DashRight twice, and DashLeft never. Quite how I missed that is beyond me FIXED: A couple of rogue sound effects rudely not obeying the sound volume slider FIXED: Red Card achievement not popping up it you walloped a fella three times FIXED:: the tutorial suggesting you press the Kick button to do a Tackle FIXED:an issue where, with *dogged* determination you could set your 442 to have players start on the wrong side of the pitch, which is CLEARLY cheating and if you did this you should feel a deep shame FIXED: misspelled "World Cup" in the Achievements. I mean honestly REFUSED TO FIX: the spelling mistak on the 1st splash screen because come on that's obviously a joke KNOWN, BUT HELP? someone mentioned that hitting a Goldkeeper made the game fail to restart after the penalty. I've been completely unable to recreate this, and I can't find the tweet because it was 1st thing this morning and it's scrolled down the list into oblivion. So if this was you, or if you see this happen, please email me dan@sizefivegames.com with exactly what happened so I can fix it? Thank you!